Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize