I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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