Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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