Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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