I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
