Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
