You work out of a Hotel?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
