i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
