Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
