She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
