i permit you to call me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
