I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
