Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
