She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
