I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Come share oat with me in your robe
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
