so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
