And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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