She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
