bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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