Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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