You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
