Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
