It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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