Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
