careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
