I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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