I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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