Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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