I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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