Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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