im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
