Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
