I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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