OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
