Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
