I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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