Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
