If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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