im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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