first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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