would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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