kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
