I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
