A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
