I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
