if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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