I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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