shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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