I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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