im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
