We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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