I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
