Don't you send me to vm
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
