I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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