she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
