I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Randomize
