Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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