okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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