roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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