non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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