Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
