This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize