Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
