Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
