You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we made out on top of his cat.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
