Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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