i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
