and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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