capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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