***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
