life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
