Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
