what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
