I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
